Days after launching a controversial new ad campaign for American Eagle, actress Sydney Sweeney has decided to retire to a simpler life on the farm. “At least no one will accuse me of being too sexy,” ...

It was an embarrassing moment for two androids at a Björk concert this week, as they were caught in full embrace on the kiss cam. “I really don’t like to embarrass people or even robots, for that ...

Chris Martin is really on a role it seems. This evening, the Coldplay singer spotted pop star Katy Perry arm-in-arm with former Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. “They ducked out of sight pretty ...

In the new reboot of the Jurassic Park franchise, producers have decided to set the movie in Morden and include the most intimidating villain of all time, a group of zealous fundamenalists trying to ...

Mrs. Martens was in a hurry this afternoon and didn’t have time to extract the necessary cream from her dairy cow Daisy. Instead, she made her schmaunt fat using the skim milk she had in the fridge.

ELKHART, IN Fed up with meagre salaries that barely pay the rent, Mennonite pastors across the nation have been sporting snazzy new T-shirts as a form of protest. “It’s bad enough he’s wearing such ...

Area man Johan Kroeker stopped by his local farm implements dealership looking for an upgrade to his 1893 Massey Harris. “Yeah, well, I figured it was time,” said Kroeker. “My Martha even told me, ...

There was a lineup stretching down the hallway this afternoon, as Mrs. Enns held the elevator door for “just a couple more minutes.” Well, those minutes soon became hours, as Mrs. Enns had just one ...

Free agent pastor Sharon O. Broesky, a two-way minister who can preach as well as she can baptize, was a hot commodity on the pastoral market this fall and has just inked an unprecedented $7000 a year ...

The Daily Bonnet doesn’t want to leave anyone out. After compiling a list of the most common Russian Mennonite surnames, there were numerous requests to make a Swiss Mennonite list. The problem was I ...

A Jeopardy! clue this past week has made two Mennonite mayors world famous. Abbotsford mayor Ross Siemens and Winkler mayor Henry Siemens were mentioned in the clue, which had contestants stumped. “I ...

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND A lowly donkey named Herbert has been named the official mascot of the Mennonites this week after replacing the previous mascot of a guy named Dave wearing a farmer sausage suit.