The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional. A magnitude 3.5 earthquake aftershock struck campus on April 9 at approximately 5:00 p.m. Despite coming a few days after Friday’s ...

“As low-income transfer students, you can’t necessarily afford Princeton merch,” Regan said. “A T-shirt does mean inclusion to make someone feel like they’re a part of the incoming class, which is ...

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